PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Paul Thompson ​Advocate for better mental health and well-being. Here's Your Gold Watch https://yourgoldwatch.blogspot.com/search/label/advocacy PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit ‎Saturday, ‎15 ‎April ‎2023 Introduction ⦁ The four factors: ⦁ motivation, ability, opportunity, and, most importantly, how individuals interact with one another ⦁ OUTCOMES: What steps can you take to increase the amount of time you spend with matchers and givers? ⦁ It is not always possible to reduce the time spent with every taker in your life; with this in mind, what boundaries can you set to protect yourself from the adverse effects? ⦁ Few people are takers in every aspect of their life: some might show characteristics of a taker in the workplace but be more giving with their family, for instance. Consider the people that you listed as takers. ⦁ Can you think of occasions when these individuals showed a less self-focused side of themselves? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Givers, Takers, and Matchers According to Grant (2013), success in life depends on four factors: motivation, ability, opportunity, and, most importantly, how individuals interact with one another. Social interactions include three basic reciprocity styles, namely, givers, takers, and matchers. With each social interaction, individuals are faced with two choices that fall at either end of the reciprocity spectrum; to take as much value as possible from the interaction or to give as much value as possible to the interaction. Theories of reciprocity styles suggest that individuals may react differently in response to pro-social behavior, depending on their status as a taker, giver, or matcher (Grant, 2017). Takers tend to be self-focused, putting their interests before those of others. These individuals evaluate what other people can offer to them and take more than they give to maximize their potential benefit. Individuals who take without reciprocating may still provide help to others on occasion; however, this is likely to occur only when the personal benefits outweigh the personal costs (Grant, 2013). Support or assistance is offered by takers only if their contribution is visible to others, boosts their reputation, or promises other benefits in return (Mäthner & Lanwehr, 2017). While a taker experiences brief present-moment happiness, the giver thinks integratively about past, present, and future events and experiences a greater sense of meaning through his/her interactions with others (Baumeister, Vohs, Aaker, & Garbinsky, 2013). Givers are located at the opposite end of the reciprocity spectrum. These individuals are other focused, predominantly acting in the interests of others and giving little consideration to the personal costs to themselves (Mäthner & Lanwehr, 2017). It is important to note that being a giver is not necessarily equivalent to success. According to Grant (2014), givers do have the potential to be more successful compared to both takers and matchers; however, they are willing to sacrifice their success in the process of helping others. Givers are most successful when they carry out a cost-benefit analysis before acting to ensure that the benefit to others outweighs the cost to themselves. Between these two polarized styles lie matchers. These individuals operate on the principles of fairness and even exchange of favors, that is, when a matcher helps others, they expect reciprocity and strive to preserve the equilibrium. Matchers also tend to match the reciprocity style of those with whom they interact, for instance, if they interact with a taker, they will behave as such. Conversely, if someone provides them with support or assistance, they will match the gesture by repaying the favor. According to Mäthner and Lanwehr (2017), when matchers consider providing support to others, they hesitate to invest time and effort until they are confident they will receive something in return. Author This tool was created by Elaine Houston. Goal The goal of this exercise is to help clients identify individuals in their social network who are givers, takers, and matchers. In doing so, they can begin to recognize positive, prosocial behaviors and create boundaries to safeguard their time, energy, and resources. Advice ■ While takers are not necessarily bad people, their behavior can potentially damage the motivation and overall well-being of those around them who may wish to reduce their time spent with these individuals. Although this is not always possible (if they are work colleagues, for instance), by recognizing the behavior of takers clients can begin to set boundaries and manage the potential adverse effects of their behavior. ■ This exercise is not about changing the behavior of other people. Instead, it is concerned with helping clients recognize that certain behaviors are related to the reciprocity styles of givers, takers, and matchers. In doing so, clients may limit the time spent with individuals who are draining their energy and resources and spend more time with those who are less self-focused. ■ Clients need to realize that this exercise is not designed to promote the act of giving only if they expect to receive something in return. After all, true giving is without the intent of receiving something back. Instead, it is about protecting the client from investing excessively in non-reciprocal relationships. Givers, Takers, and Matchers Step 1: Understanding the terms givers, takers, and matchers Pro-social behaviors are those that are intended to help or benefit others and can lead to long-lasting wellbeing, happiness, and health. These behaviors include a broad range of activities, such as sharing, providing comfort, and helping people in need. How people interact with one another depends on their tendency to give, take, or match the efforts of others. While givers help others by offering knowledge, resources, connections, or practical help without expecting anything in return from those who benefit from their help, takers consistently place their needs before others. Takers tend to take as much value as possible from other people and approach interactions to gain as much as possible from their exchanges. Most people behave like matchers who lie somewhere between givers and takers, they try to maintain an even balance of give-and-take in all their interactions by matching the style of the people they interact with. Step 2: Network analysis: Identify the people in your network who are givers, takers, and matchers In this step, you will identify the people in your life who are givers, takers, and matchers. Below, you will find detailed descriptions of each of the three interaction styles mentioned in the previous step. Take some time to read each description, think about the people in your life who exhibit these kinds of behaviors, and write the names of these individuals in the space provided. These people might be friends, family members, work colleagues, or even people you do not know particularly well. a. Who are the givers in my network? Characteristics of givers: ■ Lend a hand to whoever is in need, doing small favors for people without being asked, and even seeking people out who might need their help. This also means, however, that givers can easily be taken advantage of by others. ■ Think the best way to succeed is to help others succeed: givers enrich the success of the people around them. ■ Can be self-sacrificing and over-generous with their time and energy at personal cost to themselves. Givers can find it difficult to say no, choosing to contribute to others because they genuinely care even if this means sacrificing their own time. ■ Notice when others need help and are happy to offer their support. Givers give their time and resources to enable others to reach their goals and rarely turn to others for help. ■ May experience burnout if they spend too long attending to the needs of others but do not attend to their own. Givers also need support from others, or they will eventually feel worn out. ■ Act in the interests of others and wish to contribute in positive ways. ■ Provide support and help others by giving advice or sharing knowledge with no strings attached. ■ Have strong relationships with those around them. ■ Give little consideration to the effect of their giving on their lives. Givers focus less on themselves, often dropping everything to help people. After taking some time to look at the list above, think about the people in your life who regularly show some or all these giver behaviors. Remember, these individuals can be anyone from your social network: friends, work colleagues, family members, or even people you do not know particularly well. Write the names of these individuals in the space below. The givers in my network are: b. Who are the takers in my network? Characteristics of takers: ■ Are focused on themselves and put their interests first: Takers look out for themselves and expect others to do the same. ■ Evaluate what other people can offer to them and take more than they give to gain benefits. ■ Think of wealth, power, and success as important achievements. ■ Are selfish but appear charming and charismatic. Takers understand the best ways to excel in public settings. ■ Feel comfortable saying ‘no’ when they do not want to do something. ■ Tend to be competitive and need to be better or more successful compared to others around them. ■ Blame others for their mistakes. ■ Likely to offer help only when the personal benefits (such as boosts to their reputation) outweigh the personal costs. ■ Will ask others to help them or provide them with favors but never give anything back in return, unless it will in some way benefit them in the end. ■ Focus on their achievements, using the pronouns ‘I,’ ‘me,’ and ‘my’ more often compared to givers and matchers. ■ Usually treat people well if those people can help them reach their goals but treat others poorly if they appear to offer no benefits to them. ■ Have the potential to drain the motivation and energy from those around them, creating a hostile environment. Some individuals may avoid takers for this very reason. After taking some time to look at the list above, think about the people in your life who regularly show some or all these taker behaviors. Remember, these individuals can be anyone from your social network: friends, work colleagues, family members, or even people you do not know particularly well. Write the names of these individuals in the space below. The takers in my network are: c. Who are the matchers in my network? Characteristics of matchers: ■ Try to give and take in equal proportions: when matchers help others, they expect an even exchange of favors. Matchers hesitate to invest time and effort until they are sure that they will receive something in return. ■ Tend to root for givers to succeed. ■ Like to support others because they see helping as part of the social norm. ■ Believe people’s efforts should be fair and just. ■ Tend to match the reciprocity style of those they interact with, for instance, if they interact with a taker, they will behave as such. If someone provides them with support or assistance, they will match the gesture by repaying the individual. ■ When they receive something from another person, they want to return the favor. ■ Tends to say things like, “You paid for that, so I will pay for this,” and they are quick to remind others that they are owed a favor, “I did that for you, so I need you to help me with this.” After taking some time to look at the list above, think about the people in your life who regularly show some or all these matcher behaviors. Remember, these individuals can be anyone from your social network: friends, work colleagues, family members, or even people you do not know particularly well. Write the names of these individuals in the space below. The matchers in my network are: You likely know people who fall into each of these categories. As you become more attuned to the behavior of givers, takers, and matchers in your social network, you can begin to surround yourself with individuals who exhibit the favorable traits of givers and matchers. While takers are not necessarily bad people, you may wish to reduce your contact with them. Although this is not always possible, your ability to recognize the takers in your life can help you set boundaries and manage the potential adverse effects of their behavior. Step 3: Reconsider relationship investment It is essential to be aware of how much time and effort you are currently devoting to takers in your life and to recognize the effect that excessive interaction with these people can have on your well-being. Interactions with takers are, for the most part, a one-way street: there is no equal exchange of effort, and you can be left feeling drained of motivation and energy. Conversely, interactions with givers and matchers can leave you feeling invigorated and energized. When you understand the effects that takers have on your well-being, you can begin to look at people in your network from a new perspective and reassess where you might best invest your time and effort. Take some time to consider the questions below and write your answers in the spaces provided. Consider the people you listed as takers in the previous step, how do you feel when you are around these individuals? How do you feel when you spend time with the people you listed as matchers and givers? What are the main differences between how you feel around takers compared to givers and matchers? Do you think you spend too much time with takers in your life? If so, is it necessary to keep investing this amount of time and energy with these people? Is it possible to stop devoting as much time and effort to takers and invest more in the people who match or give? If so, what steps can you take to reduce the amount of time you spend with takers? What steps can you take to increase the amount of time you spend with matchers and givers? It is not always possible to reduce the time spent with every taker in your life; with this in mind, what boundaries can you set to protect yourself from the adverse effects? Few people are takers in every aspect of their life: some might show characteristics of a taker in the workplace but be more giving with their family, for instance. Consider the people that you listed as takers. Can you think of occasions when these individuals showed a less self-focused side of themselves? ⦁ References ■ Baumeister, R.F., Vohs, K.D., Aaker, J.L., & Garbinsky, E.N. (2013) Some key differences between a happy life and a meaningful life. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 6, 505-516. ■ Grant, A. (2013). Give and take: A revolutionary approach to success. Penguin Group. ■ Grant, A. (2013). In the company of givers and takers. Harvard Business Review, 91, 90-7. ■ Mäthner, E. & Lanwehr, R. (2017). Givers, takers, and matchers - Reciprocity styles and their contribution to organizational behavior. Gr Interakt Org, 48, 5-13. Compassionate Wellbeing The Nature of Compassion, Fear, Safe Relating and World Change. #compassion, https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/#mindfulness-depression-anxiety-anger-addictions Compassionate Wellbeing The Nature of Compassion, Fear, Safe Relating and World Change. In this series of talks, world renowned clinical psychologist Prof Paul Gilbert OBE, pioneer of Compassion Focused Therapy and President of The Compassionate Mind Foundation, will discuss how compassion can help us during this time of heightened anxiety and uncertainty, with a powerful vision for the future of our societies. Lectures 1-12 now have Spanish subtitles thanks to Gonzalo Brito Pons, and Portuguese subtitles thanks to Nazaré de Oliveira Almeida and colleagues Las ectures 1-12 ahora tienen subtítulos en español gracias a Gonzalo Brito Pons, e legendas em português graças a Nazaré de Oliveira Almeida e colegas ​Please note, these talks are not intended as therapy - if you are struggling, we'd encourage you to seek professional advice and support. Healthy eating, beauty products, fashion and travel. Target Country(ies):UK, US and Canada 'TO Lead is to serve nothing more and nothing less.' #Communication is key. In today's global marketplace, it's also important to communicate across cultures and respect communication differences. https://www.facebook.com/groups/888836534546813/permalink/5897513557012394/ #Amps #Affiliate #Disclaimer: Affiliate advertisements procure commissions from sales. https://paulshab.blogspot.com/2023/04/advertisers.html